24 July 2006
Something missing
So here I am again, um, RE-pondering getting a new job. Or at least, a sideline. Yet for a handful of reasons I'm having a hard time to decide whether to leave. There's the question of loyalty, the separation-from-buddies issues, and the possibility of screwing up and regretting. Doubt is clearly not a tolerable nagger.
Or perhaps it's because I haven't proven much in the entire time I have been with the company. It's my second year there this August 3rd, but it seems that my efforts/achievements only amount to less than a year. I have learned much and had good opportunities , yes, this being my first official "real life" job, but that's all I got. I kind of feel bad -- kind of -- even of wanting to leave knowing and feeling that I have not given back what they had expected from me since Day One.
In less than six months, our editorial staff has already lost two very able members. And we've been feeling more of its impact these past weeks. Just today, I realized that there's practicallly only three of us left working on the magazine -- one of which is even an outsider. Our managing editor has been working her ass off, doing all the tasks of four people. I've been doing my part and more -- and I could have helped her in their higher department, but nay.
I admit, I've been lousy. To my defense, I forever maintain that sports has never been and will never be my thing. Ours is a sports-lifestyle mag -- I accepted the job mainly for the technical side, i.e. the editorial job. One of my officemates was even surprised when I told her that until now I do not understand the meaning of "cross forehand" when I've come across the term nearly a million times since 2004. Heck, it's only last month that I finally understood (well, sort of) badminton's scoring system, and it's already been revised a couple of times!
Something's been missing in my, ahem, career path. It could mainly be my lack of gusto, which would stamp "fool" on my forehead thrice, but I don't feel like going out of my way to get some. Not this time when I'm planning to go away. Too. Tired.
I just wish I could apologize to my editor for this.
Or perhaps it's because I haven't proven much in the entire time I have been with the company. It's my second year there this August 3rd, but it seems that my efforts/achievements only amount to less than a year. I have learned much and had good opportunities , yes, this being my first official "real life" job, but that's all I got. I kind of feel bad -- kind of -- even of wanting to leave knowing and feeling that I have not given back what they had expected from me since Day One.
In less than six months, our editorial staff has already lost two very able members. And we've been feeling more of its impact these past weeks. Just today, I realized that there's practicallly only three of us left working on the magazine -- one of which is even an outsider. Our managing editor has been working her ass off, doing all the tasks of four people. I've been doing my part and more -- and I could have helped her in their higher department, but nay.
I admit, I've been lousy. To my defense, I forever maintain that sports has never been and will never be my thing. Ours is a sports-lifestyle mag -- I accepted the job mainly for the technical side, i.e. the editorial job. One of my officemates was even surprised when I told her that until now I do not understand the meaning of "cross forehand" when I've come across the term nearly a million times since 2004. Heck, it's only last month that I finally understood (well, sort of) badminton's scoring system, and it's already been revised a couple of times!
Something's been missing in my, ahem, career path. It could mainly be my lack of gusto, which would stamp "fool" on my forehead thrice, but I don't feel like going out of my way to get some. Not this time when I'm planning to go away. Too. Tired.
I just wish I could apologize to my editor for this.