29 September 2008
How would you like to fall?
I haven't exactly realized how long I'd been away from this poor space until I was moronically pressing "G" in an elevator while I was on the ground floor. I was alone but I still secretly wished security cameras weren't invented—because I even actually got upset when the doors wouldn't close and I stupidly kept hammering "G" before I came to my senses... then laughed at myself.
Which is self-explanatory at best, the laughing-at-self part. In fact it seems to be the only valid reaction on describing how some of the most ridiculously ambitious of us have been living their lives...
In college, I was fortunate enough to have worked for the official school publication. Had I not been "discovered" by a Literature instructor who sidelined as a band vocalist every other night, encouraged by a fabulous senior named Karen who I wish had stopped smoking by now, and trained by a very good media practitioner who loves his portraits taken, I wouldn't have been able to resurrect the paper that was in limbo for about six years. And it was a great experience indeed, especially because I worked with an amazing group of colleagues who eventually became my Friends. Yet the most memorable part of it all was during my last year with the campus paper: when I lost almost everything while the publication continued to regain its glory.
One time, another senior, and a friend, named Daniel, scoffed when I told him about my plans for the paper. Had he not been leading us well in our dance group back then I would have let him taste my white sneakers which I wore every Wednesday. "Yeah, good luck with that," was his unbelieving, mocking remark. Weeks later the paper was coming out regularly, with the school rector and the rest of the campus admittedly awaiting our opinion spread every issue... My good friend Daniel passed away in an unfair crime two years ago. But I'm sure he's sorry he doubted the paper's ability to stand up strong again—and very much happy with the simple feat of his former "apprentice."
But the other side of that story was not at all bright. Daniel wasn't alone when he ridiculed my dream... That was why I allowed myself to drop everything else if only to prove them wrong. Of course I succeeded! But at the expense of, yeah, "everything else." In one of my final columns before graduation, our adviser allowed us to go a bit all the way and write our minds, so I penned:
Sadly I didn't get even a Pulitzer citation for that, or an Oscar nomination, let alone an induction to the Drama Queen Cheesiness Hall of Shame. Nonetheless a gloomier truth now mocks me: It is happening again.
But in a grander, more "real" scale, if you must, with all the minimum pay action going on around us. I'm 25, my college paper days behind me, but it's like I'm hearing Daniel's words again: "Good luck with that." Good luck with life, is more like it, right, Danes? This isn't entirely regret. I'm merely sharing my embarrassing frustration cloaked in denial disguised as content (yeah if that's not hidden enough then I dunno what is. Boink.) before I implode and get unnecessary expenses at the office—kindergarten kids posing as employees and managers—whacked.
Life today offers many opportunities for victory as well as immeasurable obstacles to achieve success. On the other hand it isn't absolutely true that putting "balance" in your life is the way to go... Never has, never will. Something always has to give if you want to reach a finish line while it's still in your itinerary. Unless of course you're a drug-prostitution-smuggling-gambling lord with immediate kins holding positions in at least 13 national governments per continent. Or you're Manny Pacquiao.
Life today will keep demanding that you push and push forward no matter what you lose. Time waits for no man, blah, blah, blah. Fine, call me greedy, but please don't pose as a saint: You keep slow but steady so everybody's birthdays and anniversaries stick do your head like leeches, you can lose your dream; you fight like hell for your dream, but you will temporarily—but dangerously—put your personal life on hold.
Which downfall are you willing to risk?
Which is self-explanatory at best, the laughing-at-self part. In fact it seems to be the only valid reaction on describing how some of the most ridiculously ambitious of us have been living their lives...
In college, I was fortunate enough to have worked for the official school publication. Had I not been "discovered" by a Literature instructor who sidelined as a band vocalist every other night, encouraged by a fabulous senior named Karen who I wish had stopped smoking by now, and trained by a very good media practitioner who loves his portraits taken, I wouldn't have been able to resurrect the paper that was in limbo for about six years. And it was a great experience indeed, especially because I worked with an amazing group of colleagues who eventually became my Friends. Yet the most memorable part of it all was during my last year with the campus paper: when I lost almost everything while the publication continued to regain its glory.
One time, another senior, and a friend, named Daniel, scoffed when I told him about my plans for the paper. Had he not been leading us well in our dance group back then I would have let him taste my white sneakers which I wore every Wednesday. "Yeah, good luck with that," was his unbelieving, mocking remark. Weeks later the paper was coming out regularly, with the school rector and the rest of the campus admittedly awaiting our opinion spread every issue... My good friend Daniel passed away in an unfair crime two years ago. But I'm sure he's sorry he doubted the paper's ability to stand up strong again—and very much happy with the simple feat of his former "apprentice."
But the other side of that story was not at all bright. Daniel wasn't alone when he ridiculed my dream... That was why I allowed myself to drop everything else if only to prove them wrong. Of course I succeeded! But at the expense of, yeah, "everything else." In one of my final columns before graduation, our adviser allowed us to go a bit all the way and write our minds, so I penned:
"I... lost much, perhaps even greater than liters of sacrifices, tanks of hard work,
and gallons of patience. I even lost friends because of our job (in the paper).
(The paper) is my time away from my family, my friends, my studies.
If that's not personal, then I don't know what it is. "
and gallons of patience. I even lost friends because of our job (in the paper).
(The paper) is my time away from my family, my friends, my studies.
If that's not personal, then I don't know what it is. "
Sadly I didn't get even a Pulitzer citation for that, or an Oscar nomination, let alone an induction to the Drama Queen Cheesiness Hall of Shame. Nonetheless a gloomier truth now mocks me: It is happening again.
But in a grander, more "real" scale, if you must, with all the minimum pay action going on around us. I'm 25, my college paper days behind me, but it's like I'm hearing Daniel's words again: "Good luck with that." Good luck with life, is more like it, right, Danes? This isn't entirely regret. I'm merely sharing my embarrassing frustration cloaked in denial disguised as content (yeah if that's not hidden enough then I dunno what is. Boink.) before I implode and get unnecessary expenses at the office—kindergarten kids posing as employees and managers—whacked.
Life today offers many opportunities for victory as well as immeasurable obstacles to achieve success. On the other hand it isn't absolutely true that putting "balance" in your life is the way to go... Never has, never will. Something always has to give if you want to reach a finish line while it's still in your itinerary. Unless of course you're a drug-prostitution-smuggling-gambling lord with immediate kins holding positions in at least 13 national governments per continent. Or you're Manny Pacquiao.
Life today will keep demanding that you push and push forward no matter what you lose. Time waits for no man, blah, blah, blah. Fine, call me greedy, but please don't pose as a saint: You keep slow but steady so everybody's birthdays and anniversaries stick do your head like leeches, you can lose your dream; you fight like hell for your dream, but you will temporarily—but dangerously—put your personal life on hold.
Which downfall are you willing to risk?