The Paostian Deal

Yesterday morning I sat beside a fat lady in an almost-packed jeep. Some three minutes into the trip the driver pulled over to get more passengers. He kept calling out, "Kaliwa, kanan, kaliwa, kanan (Left, right, left, right)." But we could only try to fit one more in our side. A medium-built guy climbed on.

"Kaliwa, kanan, kaliwa, kanan..." I moved a little to my right to signal the vacancy. The lady, on the other hand, was mini-hopping left-and-right. "Kaliwa, kanan, kaliwa, kanan!" I bit my lip because I didn't want to smile. The vehicle began to move but the new passenger was still waiting for a seat. "Kaliwa, kanan, kaliwa, kanan!" Manong Driver sped up.

And Mrs Hopster parted her thighs and occupied the entire space--almost panting--I felt bitter defeat. Not to mention, laughter that could very well have gotten me killed boiling up inside.

This morning, another lady almost shot a different jeepney driver out of sheer annoyance. While we were nearing the shuttle's station, he called out in the vernacular, Those who haven't paid their fare, please do it now. There was dead response. He called out again, this time adding: There's still one passenger who hasn't paid the fare, whoever you are please do so now." I was looking from end-to-end waiting for even a flinch, I was so cute, but to no avail.

Then Manong said very loudly: That one on the left side, hey did you pay up?

"Ay, mataba pala (Oh, a fat one)."

I dunno what's going on in the Plus-Size universe but yeah, the passenger took spaces for two. "May problema ho kayo, manong (You got a problem, sir)?" she retorted. I faked a cough and a yawn while looking at street signs.

Tsk, tsk. Panic. Confusion. Fatal hysterics.

I therefore conclude we need an allowance of at least two more days before going back to work after a long weekend. At least for the sake of jeepney drivers.