11 June 2008

It happens

I haven’t had a decent sleep since yesterday morning. And it’s all because of my stupidity, a child-traumatized man and The Happening.

The film was good. So good that it forced me to pretend to be asleep all night. Why and how I let myself be fooled into watching again something very disturbing—after my icky point-of-trauma in the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead—is beyond me. I should’ve known better than to expect wonderful things from free premiere tickets.

When bizarre suicides began happening in a Philadelphia park one cloudy day, America suspected terrorists had unleashed shitty airborne virus to drive humans to want cover pictures on tabloids and Ripley’s Yearbook in unthinkable ways: car keys to the eyes, strap-less bungee jumping, Lawn-mow Me Over, My Temple Needs A Bullet Now and Time To Feed My Arms To The Lions. Yet science instructor Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg), despite his perfectly systematic methodical thinking, soon realized there’s no solving it and even running away from this unfathomable happening isn’t gonna save anybody. Was it the trees? Was it the hot dogs? Was it the old couple who love hot dogs? Or was it that thing on her head trying hard to pass as her hair? So bothered Elliot’s wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel)’s—and everybody’s—head while ransacking a model house-&-lot unit. The clock ticked, a widow with anger management issues slapped cookie lover Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez)’s little hand, yet everyone in and everyone watching the silver screen was left clueless of the shit until the last cloud rolled in the closing credits. Shivering!

What wasn’t thrilling, however, was Mark’s performance. He knew he was acting, but the moviegoers needed not to. All his moves were almost that predictable, when he’s no longer shooting undies ads for Calvin Klein. Zooey deserved more claps, even including the minute scenes where she looked like Shannen Doherty whose effectively pretentious acting I miss.

SPOILER. Now of all the things, why did Shyamalan have to use trees and wind? Why turn something so-everywhere into something so scary? People have it hard already with global warming and all—now they have to worry about backyard grass having genius IQs too? Then again I would have walked out of the theater had he used huge rats with bloody fangs and red contacts…

And how come dogs never get infected with these mind-messing viruses, when they too piss on plants? More importantly, why did they have to use the granny-distorted old doll tandem?? It’s always so creepy. And girly. Old-girly!

Yet, on the other hand, M. Night could very well be offering just another explanation on suicides, notwithstanding how silent or gory victims commit the already-disturbing act. Hello, it kinda like happens everyday. Break-ups? Bankruptcy? WAISTLINES OVER 36? Duh.

The Happening is an enjoyably absorbing film, if you’re into that whole Armageddon-paranoia thing. Plus it has a better ending than Signs. It was quick, strangely to-the-point and leaves one helluva pair of eye bags to match that impossibly fast heart rate. Except if you’re me.

I grew so paranoid I wanted to sleep over at the driver friend’s house. Then I remembered his girlfriend was in the passenger seat. So I had to resort to my second best diversion: flirting with the neighbor.

His name is Ariel. He’s taller than I, dark and lean. Blah, blah, blah. Last words before moving on with the night? “It’s happening.”
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 17:10 |  
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