The Paostian Deal

Quantum of Solace
Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench, Mathieu Amalric
Directed by Marc Forster; Written by Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade

It was rather swift, but this 007 did manage a grand hour of realistic fist fights, amazing stunts, icky corpses, touching reunions and fabulous tailored wear. Or is that statement simply too much excitement over some tricky bridge to a promising Part 3? Anyhoo, divine hair styling for Daniel and Judi too!

It's been ages since my last trip to the cinemas. So even with "ang pula na ng mga mata mo kulang ka sa tulog" red eyes and feet exhausted from window shopping, I wholeheartedly grabbed the now-elusive opportunity to watch a movie when it waved at me; life is short. I was debating with myself and my empty head which to pick between Big Stan and Death Race. While the ticket lady was comparing the number of available seats for both flicks, I felt a subtly moving force... I was too tired to bother looking for the source of the strange... feeling. Stan had won my shallow being and I was handing out a crisp bill when suddenly:

"Hoy, ano ba? Ano'ng oras pa kayo aalis diyan sa Quezon City? Nandito na kami sa Makati, ang tatagal niyo! (What time do you plan to leave Quezon City? We're already here in Makati, slowpokes!)" My soul was there and then filled with surprising energy, the likes of which I only get from pizza, 13th month pay and James McAvoy.

Annabelle Rama was right beside me.

DEFINE STARSTRUCK. Hello! Not only is she among my favorite TV personality nowadays, but she's also my most super favoritest TV personality nowadays! In a split second my arm halted for a bit and with half-lives of their own my brain overruled me and my mouth blurted, "One ticket for For The First Time, 5:40." Apparently, my idol has that dissecting effect on me; that's how fabulously powerful she is. Anyway I was also planning to see that flick, for patriotism, her presence simply pushed me to do it now.

Pinoy movies since the 90's has always been more about make-up and physical projection than stories and actual acting performances. Especially in this case, with two of the local entertainment industry's dynasty offsprings at play—KC Concepcion and Richard Gutierrez—the default settings is just like that. However, I now, um... bend, corrected: For The First Time—after a looong time in Filipino movies—proved that some "golden children" do ACTUALLY work for and deserve their family's supposed fame. And let me just say now for clarity that we are NOT talking about a Gutierrez. KC has jumpstarted, fastracked and now almost done it: own the Filipino (sucker) showbiz devotee.

The biggest danger now for her—as with other dynasty babies—is to become her predecessor, her mother. First let's describe the movie this way: FTFT is an e-p-i-c divided into two parts, the first half being a series of Bubble Gang skits helmed by the rockstar Candy Pangilinan and the other half bearing Maalaala Mo Kaya's aura via, of course, KC and her support Richard. (What can we say? The stars' mother networks perpetually want IN on EVERYTHING.) FTFT had a fairly acceptable story enough to keep you from regretting that popcorn bucket. Given that, and following the premise opening the fifth paragraph of this post, we can now say the flick had its fate naturally relying on the acting "prowess" of its cast. Which only half of them satisfactorily delivered, but nobody really noticed save for the main course: Sharon Cuneta's firstborn.

Philip Salvador needs to step away from the tensed-face technic patented by Maricel Soriano. Pilar Pilapil should stay just as fabulous. TJ Trinidad needs to confess. Waaay overdue Richard needs to learn acting. And his daddy Eddie to make real films like all veterans should and for beefcakes stop piggybacking on his kids. CANDY PANGILINAN ROCKS. Denise Laurel needs to shut up, and Karla Humphries to stay away from face powder. Gee Ann Abrahan, Beatriz Saw and Bruce Quebral need to disappear, NOW. Bubbles Paraiso needs to redirect herself and her entire life to more useful things away from filmmaking. KC needs to review mommy's entire filmography and learn to AVOID EMULATING SHARON CUNETA.

She gave an applaudable performance in For The First Time. But some Sharon-ness just reeked off the big screen and it was a bit tiring.

But what do I really know. Or care. I saw a movie with my idol and that's fabulously enap.

Or better yet, let's nick this post, "Honesty." Since it's what this quickie update and this video is all about:


Somebody had to crack sooner or later. A few like the now-fabulous Marian Rivera are simply brave enough to step aside the overpaid limelight for a while and be human. There might be hope for showbiz personalities, yet. Very. Nice.

P.S.
Those who "defend", shut it. Clearly the woman doesn't need you or your pathetic "concern". Stop sharing her moment and go get dirty yourselves. Moths.

As we all tend to neglect the basics of Survival In The Suburbs, it can be beneficial to occasionally eat your own words. I devoured mine last night and went to the movies... alone. Again... and surprisingly, it couldn't be nicer. In fact, I enjoyed it so much I even successfully contained my ballistic urges when the dumb colegiala I accidentally sat near to yelled "Euww! Gross!" on a gory "scene", a mobile phone on exponential volume from the middle aisle woke the whales in the South Pole and a crapbag to the far left kept theorizing on the ending like she was challenging a PUJ's honk. I saw two: Juno... and My Best Friend's Girlfriend.

The first one's a laugh. Literally. Ellen Page brings weirdo-hood to a whole new shining level--most probably better than running through walls and dancing with Iceman. She's so effectively funny you'd think she's the support role critics would love the most. But she is the fabulous lead in the unpretentious flick and we hafta hand it to her. And the combo of wit and music is even nicer, what with the rest of the characters with distinct personas also completing the notable movie experience. If sarcasm is optional, then Juno has a lot of options. Smart, honest, and charmingly real, the film can be a new Code for Casualness, the trait we best get back to before we fill Armageddon's glass past its brim. Life hurls "happening shit" at you and Juno tells you'd be better off handling it like a sane, thinking person than tire yourself (and others) with needless drama before actually doing something about the "happening shit".

Like taking off as soon as the bell rings because if not, you're gonna miss the darned 6:15 show even if you run like an ant dying to pee (Bad enough that you'd already missed the trailers, so there goes a third of your ticket). You pack up, wave good-bye and be contented they at least declined your invitation with an actual "No". After all, you opted to be UN-cool in the first place and you'd rather try enjoying a movie than throw cash at Stallions and it's only right you casually do your thing and live with the prospects of finding a seat in the dark by yourself Till Kingdom Come. (More Digression: As soon as Juno was "loading", right after the trailer of Inkheart, a Fil-Am tod walked in with his yaya. "I can't see anything! I can't see anything!" he begged. Either he was blindfolded, blind or both. He can't be stupid. He's 5. The yaya's the moron because she forgot her function as a labrador.)

Not to mention the adventure you'll have bulleting from your messy desk to the cinemas. I was a race car with the soul of an angry rhino. Wouldn't it be nice to just yell "Fire!" or "Piolo in bikini!" or "Piolo in bikini on fire!!" on a cramped escalator, because you feel like it, just to speed your way at 6:10 without earning glares? Or ask, "Who named you Holly Angel Paraiso? WHY are you named Holly Angel Paraiso?" and not flinch. Or how about the freeing, "Get over yourself, bitch, I'm not sleeping with your boyfriend!" because, well, you're really not (and he's only playing you as well) and Whore Paranoia just won't shut up? It pays to be real. Why don't we try it.

It could be that I was still reeling from the funtastic that's Juno, but I actually enjoyed My Best Friend's Girlfriend too. And we all know BFGF isn't about the sickeningly predictable plot or Valentine's or blockbuster ratings, heck it isn't even about Richard Gutierrez--at last, fuckette, and JC de Vera was hotter in the flick too--but about GMA 7's big retort to Angel Locsin: Marian Rivera. And how bad she makes girl Locsin regret ever going ober da bakod. In the movie either she's naturally funny or the writers made an amazing job matching Marian with her role, Grace. Never mind the usual dialogues stretched in lengths. Watch Marian and appreciate her effective attempts if only at being a comic--and that's more of her race with Angel, as the gal also tries her hand in "comedy" via ABS-CBN's Lobo. If the Curly Dumb Blonde rumors were true: There's nothing like a laugh trip to recover from an excruciatingly boring Monday and for that I'd like to congratulate a pal who has stuck phones to her eardrums for the rest of her life. Marian has won me over. Casually.

Ah, politics. So full and overflowing. So... life. I was just listening again to Susan Roces and President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo's verbal tennis back in 2005 in PCIJ's blogsite. I'd forgotten how fabulous women in Philippine politics were. I'd been moved by such an emotionally supercharged showdown filled with lola powers, drama and Tarayan For Dummies pointers that any fulfillment from any form of humor or endless Whitney Houston play loops could ever hope to bring pale in comparison. And I'm still in tears...

Which is why now I would like to share my... sentiments... on a very recent event that by itself could also move, shake and potentially change our lives forever:

KC Concepcion's debut on Philippine drama TV.
Yes, Sharon Cuneta's heir apparent to the Mega Throne (elite Transformers? phonetic corniness) finally arrives at the most vital key in owning Philippine show business and soon the country itself: TV drama. She starred in a Maalaala Mo Kaya episode last Friday, with Ricky Davao, Agot Isidro, Malou Santos, Derek Ramsay, Yayo Aguila and a teener who's name I didn't catch but won't search online until he admits he's gay. And by "star", it means STAR: She even did the voice over where Charo Santos-Concio's I Am Full Of Sympathy sounds/tone/voice should be halfway through the show. Heck I almost expected to see "Directed, produced, co-produced written, co-writted by KC Concepcion" in the end credits. Duh--are we talking about a Cuneta or what? It was entitled "Mansyon", and it's supposed to recount the riches-to-rags-to-married life life of a woman who lost her father, the family's sole breadwinner, when she was 19.

And yes--the episode jerked drops from my lids. Not because there were fantastic actors, but because, as Sue Thompson defends, Sad Things make me cry. Things like selling your fave stff because your dad's biz went bankrupt, breaking up with your yummy boyfriend, smashing your new cellphone to a wall, letting go of your yaya because you can't afford her anymore, falling in line under the sun for a clerical job even the pope would fall asleep on...

Anyway, KC. Her acting wasn't bad, yet it wasn't that good either. As a Mara Clara baby, I think she did well--well enough to make Marian Rivera and Angel Locsin to continue renovating their castle's defenses a little more. Yell at me right now if I'm wrong, but I see KC is happy this "tamed, sosyal colegiala" image she's got going on. Dangerously, it fits her. Good thing she finished college reportedly with very good standing. Her performance in the said episode is a proof of her genes: She was like a female version of Gabby Concepcion in P.S. I Love You (1991, with Sharon, where I crowned her character, Kristin, Lynchpin Of Everything Colegiala). Looked classy, spoken smart, moved... conservatively flirty. And she has the most beautiful face to boast too. Very. Wow. Although, while we know STARS should look ridiculously insanely perfect, it's advised that when you're portraying the life of a stressed out, penniless breadwinner teen, you ask the make-up artists to make you look the part. What, we turn on the TV to stare at chinas?

If my hearing is still any good, I say KC's done a good job keeping her native tongue. Her Tagalog, albeit being stiff on some edges, was almost fluent. Masa fans can easily relate with her now. No fuss with her American twang, of course. In fact her diction was so good it felt like I was listening to Lea Salonga in a decisive Dramathon Balagtasan finals--I heard even the dots (periods) in her sentences. Let's see how KC fares in her next acting stint... in full-Tagalog.

The tears. Again, by the Mara Clara code, she has more sad memories to bank. There are so many creatures crying on-screen today that you'd know Close-Open Tears--those stubborn tears that refuse to move unless you bat your eyelids to death--when you see them. ESPECIALLY when the actor starts to recall lines while trying to cry and show both while taping. Worst, it tends to make the actor stiff. And you don't want a stiff girl crying on screen. Only Jaclyn Jose has the right to that and N.O.B.O.D.Y. E.L.S.E.

Which reminds me: You know a showbiz dynasty is "progressing" in Manila when (a) a family member STARS in her own special episode, special show, special et cetera, (b) during gaps, you see her entire line of endorsements, (c) you see her on all the covers of magazines and tabloids and (d) you make the dreadful choice between the sun and her billboards in the EDSA traffic jam. Who ever invented the process of purga must be very anti-social and rigid. But sadly, no, over-over-over exposure doesn't redeem you from ineffective acting.

What's a good insulator? The Walking Tease that's Derek Ramsay. Those rugged looks. Those suggestive eyes. Those firm packs and lean, curvy limbs covered by thin clothes. That bald head can't resist but rub your palms on or that sexy jawline you can't wait to trace your fingers on... But no, his acting didn't help either.


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Weydaminit. If KC's planning on a movie, I have the purrfect idea of a ultramega blockbuster: KC Concepcion and Jewel Mische in a movie. It's about two sisters separated at birth, grew up in different cultures, say, like one in a family of economists and one in a family of FAMAS Awardees. In a fun-ny twist of fate they'd be brought back together in their 20s--with the natural longing to be sisters again at the start but, when the eldest sib discovers baby sib has been screwing with eldest sib's boybeef long before they became an item, ate decides to become the law in the newly established City of MOA--where BS and La Familia FAMAS live--in her hidden quest to turn BS's life a living hell. BS fights back, crash courses in BS Politics and BS Economics and earns herself a quintuple Phd, and files for mayorship just in time. Unknown to anyone else, the boyfriend has been triple crossing them from the very start. With their estranged, biological father deported to Qatar for pedophilia. Stick it, it's my story. Title and tagline suggestions:

Kambal (Not Once, But Twice!)
Kambal: Sino Ang Sinungaling, Sino Ang Magnanakaw?
Magkapatid (Nga Ba?)
Hello, Ate?
I'm Sorry (Not Once, But Twice) <--- should we decide to put premium on the boyfriend's role

Derek can play the boyfriend. Lino Cayetano can direct.

Moral: Even muscles have feelings too. So if there's a gazillion of them screaming in front of you like this, please, think of very very very sad things. I couldn't. HAHAHA!

GMA 7 and Regal Films' My Best Friend's Girlfriend had its premiere night yesterday at SM Megamall. In the Always Ecstatic crowd post-mortem, aired earlier today at Unang Hirit, a guy was asked for his "raves." And rave he did:

Moron: Ang ganda ng May Bespren's Gurlpren! Lalong-lalo na si Marian! Ang ganda-ganda ni Marian! Kahit sa dreams ko, binabangungot niya ako!!!

MBGF opens in Manila theaters on February 13.

So there's a double negative. First let me ask: Where the hell is the winner of the first (and last?) Philippine Idol aired in ABC-5 two years ago? Mau, was it?

Let's do the reverse.


WHY IT WILL NOT FAIL

1. The ratio of SIM cards to humans in the Philippines is 9,438:1. The ratio of "loading stations" to SIM-owners in the country is about twice that much. (Look behind you, there's one.) Pinoy's love txt-ing. Do the math; hurray! for network service providers.
2. The second original hit that started it all--American Idol, now on its 7th season--is still, well, a hit. As everyone was disappointed with how the first network TRIED TO handle the now-controversial franchise, it is but the peak of curiosity as to how GMA 7 will vie for the show's salvation. YES, it was utterly disappointing.
3. Younger judges. Come on. Aside from Ryan Cayabyab's, why would we swallow comments from a has-been rapper-forward slash-drug addict and an, um, ancient songstress who eats hairspray for breakfast? IknowIknow, I don't have a clue about good singing--but I do know how to follow my instincts. And time element. (I remember watching "audition episodes" of Philippine Idol where all Francis M. had to say was, "Okay" and "Ma'am Pilita?", to which Her Fabulousness would bridge, "Mr. C?" 'Twas a one-grandpa team.)
   
4. The host. THE. FUCKING. HOST. -ess. A lot of people will be tuning in, myself included, to watch Raymond Gutierrez man the show--watch being the operative word. Watch him move. Watch him speak. Watch him hide. Watch him restrain. Watch him slip... For that, another push at ratings. (It was reported that Paolo Bediones was considered to be host. He lost because the Idol "bible" restricts the age limit to 30. Bediones is 33. But I have this nagging feeling it wouldn't have been different and we would watch him too, if you get my pink drift.)
   
5. Until now, Pinoys can't get enough of "reality TV". It's pure escapism, and they can't be blamed: Between the painful truth of poverty and a weekly pause from it, of course they'll choose that additional hour of entertainment. Despite more power consumption and SMS cost in the next four months should they--and they will--join the polls in choosing the winner.

WHY IT WILL FAIL

1. It's airing on a Saturday night. When everyone is out on bars, movies, coffee shops, short times, blind dates and what-have-you. By the way, questions: Will Globe be joining Smart? Will voting be included in their Unlitxt-Unlitxtd- Sulitxt paella of confusions, I mean, services? Will there be flowery Raymond wallpaper downloads? Or "i R idol" with hearts logo downloads? How many coat changes will he have for every wallpaper? Will they be of bright colors?
   
2. The impending comparison with American Idol. Filipinos love anything Hollywood, foreign, and just about anything they don't understand but still adore for their flashiness. When it comes to TV shows, Hollywood is Bible. If the local media insists on Philippine-izing the show--which they should, in theory--they better be extremely careful and be ready to be snubbed by the picky, sophisticated Filipino viewers after the first three weeks. Put on something Britney-ish, will 'ya?
   
3. I like Jolina. She's cute and bubbly and refreshing. BUT: There'd be a lot of musicians who are just out of Jolen's... age bracket. They might not get her (at all). Thus a minus on credibility. I like funny guy Ogie. But I like the songs he writes more. AND SO: It's songwriting, not performing. Why couldn't they have picked the other womanizer Janno Gibbs, people would ask. Another minus. Wyngard, well, I don't really know him. Reports say he was a DJ and a talent manager, so maybe he can gauge a talent's record sales or something? And apparently he can sing, too. I like him for looking a little... fresher... than Pilita. Period.
   
4. The host. THE. FUCKING. HOST. (Be thankful I'm using that F-word and not the other one.) Just do all of us a favor and give a straight answer to this question: Would you rather host Pinoy Idol, or snag your's sister's role in Philippines' Next Top Model?
5. In September, when the first "Pinoy Idol" will have been named, what happens next? StarStruck has had four sets of winners. One female is now pregnant; one male has a semi-dwindling following, if only for the redundant and tiring chain of hook-ups and break-ups. The rest, well, you'd have to go online to find news on them. Pinoy Pop Superstar had several batches of "promising talents" as well. And so did Coca-Cola Ride To Fame/ Yes To Your Dreams. They're supposed to be big-time talents now with massive Pilipino recognition, but unfortunately for me I don't know even their names (And I occasionally watch TV and visit record bars too). Do you? If the point of the show is to produce homegrown talents for locals to love and perhaps look up to, and these champions routinely pull an Amelia Earhart some two months after winning, then it's all a waste of airtime and txt credits.

But I am nothing more than an idealistic mutt. With highlights.

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Mau Marcelo, who didn't have an original composition for her victory song in 2006, went to Jakarta last December to compete in the first Asian Idol (it's always The First nowadays). She lost to a Singaporean named Hady Mirza. She performed Gloria Estefan's Reach and Dulce's Ako Ang Nasawi, Ako Ang Nagwagi. Ironically, it would seem her showbiz career has that last song backwards. Hopefully, it won't happen to The First Pinoy Idol. But somehow I doubt it.