Showing posts with label Quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quotes. Show all posts
13 November 2008

You were warned: Liposuction can never save you

Only Respect, not a withered social life, not a laughable ambition, and most definitely

NOT a rotting stack of cellulite,

begets respect.
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 15:54 | 2 said something  
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06 November 2008

Tic-toc advocate

Think not what more you can give your underpaying, abusive company; rather what more you can pilfer from the bundy clock.


[ smiley ]
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 20:53 | 0 said something  
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25 March 2008

Quote for the Week: 90%

"10% of conflicts is due to difference in opinion.
90% is due to wrong tone of voice."

So do NOT pick up if you're waiting for a call from that contact center and you just woke up.

Do NOT follow up on 7-year-overdue debts when you're feeling ecstatic.

And do NOT EVER talk to your seaman best friend's lonely wife when you're horny.
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 09:24 | 0 said something  
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11 March 2008

Quote for the Day: Of turtles and speed


A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down.

---

Let's put our lives on a momentary halt as we sincerely appreciate the ever-wise mouth that uttered this line. Now what could it mean?
  1. He's Shredder's cousin's wife's best friend's yoga instructor's neighbor's tax collector's classmate in prep school. And yes he hates ninjas too.
  2. It's been almost 20 years and he's still trying to redeem his ass in Philosophy 101.
  3. Dr. Phil is playing The Trump and is now looking for his own Asspprentice.
---

A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down... because it's... heavy? And, therefore, um, subsequently... slow?

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Why always whack turtles for their speed? And why on earth would you, from an allegedly smart species, race against a reptile with an apartment on its back?

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down. So put it down and let it use its legs, for beefcakes.

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From Tweety:

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down... especially if you're too busy wondering What the heck is a cold-blooded animal doing under my desk and why is everyone suddenly concerned about turtles when all they do is lay eggs then swim away to lay more eggs somewhere else? At least the hare has the more fun talent.

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down. Especially if you're already obese beyond repair to begin with, in which case you will be slowing the poor thing instead.

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A turtle isn't slow. And it's cleaner to look at than a hippopotamus yawning with flies flying out of its galactic mouth.

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A turtle can slow you down. So can empty wallets.

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A turtle isn't slow. I'm an idiot.

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A turtle can slow you down. Oh and so can impotency.
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 14:37 | 0 said something  
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26 February 2008

Quote (and Word) for the Week

The lion with a small penis has to compensate with a mighty roar!

---

The lion with a small penis has to compensate with a mighty roar... unless the penis itself roars.

"How the F do you make it roar?"

What are you, 8?

---

The lion with a small penis has to compensate with a mighty roar. Unless the lion prefers belting, in which case you might not be able to use his... mic, yet unless you're another lion who loves to belt.

---

If your penis could talk, what would it say?

Colin Farrell: Are the tapes rolling? ... Retouch!

Bugs Bunny: I'm UP, doc!

Joseph Estrada: I feel limpy, but it's my style not to show it...

Ne-yo: I'm so stick!

Piolo Pascual: I'm not gay.

Sam Milby: So am I. Err--neither! Neither am I! Damn...

Daniel Day-Lewis: Señora bonita, pudo haber sangre... (Pretty lady, there might be blood...)

Joel Coen/Ethan Coen: No condoms for old men.

Sean Spears/Jayden Spears: Euww, rehab!
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 13:47 | 0 said something  
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My life as a guidance couselor

Porn Diva: Would you kill me if I become a gay lesbo?

Itchy Scratchy: Most probably.

Porn Diva: Oh, no. Help, Cuz! Here's the thing: There's this guy I met at (censored), then we went on a date. Turns out he's more femme than I. BUT: he also tells me he's never been so happy. Kinikilig siya when we txt and all. E I don't want to break the kid's heart. And he finds me cute and hot daw--ano ba 'yun!

Itchy Scratchy: Remind me to barf before going to bed. Kid?? Get a crash course in Aeronautics, zoom to Saturn and stay there.

Porn Diva: Naku naman. I don't want to sound rude. Remember that's your thing. Mine is sweeter. I'm supposed to be everybody's best friend duh vah? Besides, I also told him I'm a diva--hindi naman daw issue.

Itchy Scratchy: Okay. So, um... RUN! RUN FAST! Run fast AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!

Porn Diva: Great. Now I'm scared.

Itchy Scratchy: It's new territory. But I don't think my head will stop shaking anytime soon... Are you sure it's not your tummy? Or bangs?

Porn Diva: I know. I know. Right now, honestly, I just can't "leave" him because he's really happy loving me. He even tells his friends how happy he is. He txts almost every hour--which kinda starts to bug me. But my point is: "If I can't find my prince charming, let me at least be someone else's prince", that sort of sacrificing-for-the-greater-good stuff...

Itchy Scratchy: Okay bazooka past Saturn and head straight to Planet X. Are you listening to yourself? That's dumb charity. Worse, it's dumb charity and all you're giving away is a... wig. And if you want sacrifices, there's Sarah Geronimo. You'd be doing Everyone a favor if you take her out.

Porn Diva: Hmm... Bakit naman wig?

Itchy Scratchy: Think Cher becoming Prince. Or Whitney Houston morphing into Nora Aunor--same thing, but the "new" form is less, less, less shinier. You want to be Prince?

Porn Diva: He-he! Oo nga. I guess you're right. It's just that I don't want to break somebody's heart because I know how it feels...

Itchy Scratchy: You're a whore, not a social worker.

Porn Diva: I'll just find a way how to tell him. Sayang lang, cute pa naman. Hindi nga lang discreet.

Itchy Scratchy: Your gaytoy will learn. Soon as he discovers collared tops and maybe Mohawks and hair wax. Then maybe you can try again. For now, I'll be in Planet X and you stay away from ballads.

Porn Diva: Thanks, Cuz!
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 12:57 | 0 said something  
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19 February 2008

Quote and Word for the day

"Pink is one of those glorious colors that boasts a broad range of tones and saturation, so there is truly something for everyone."

-- Krinsten Leigh Bell a.k.a. aromaleigh for Stylehive
Apply the Rules of Cher, Self-acceptance and De-closeting, then we can therefore conclude that everyone should support Pride Parades.

--

On the seemingly more educating side: A guy behind bars, interviewed on TV. Allegedly he beat his wife.

Lady reporter: Totoo ba 'yung sinasabi mo na siya ang bumubugbog sa'yo at hindi ikaw ang nambubugbog sa kanya?

Smartyshorts (hiding his face from the camera): Yes! Boys naman, tingnan niyo nga o, ako itong may sugat sa loob ng bibig. Look o, look...

Lady reporter: E bakit sabi niya (wife) binubugbog mo raw siya?

Smartyshorts: No commentment!

Must be what you should say while waiting for your lawyer: You're not committing anything and at the same time not commenting on anything... err, after you deny the, uhh... allegations? Abidi, abidi, abidi...
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 13:31 | 0 said something  
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11 February 2008

Quote for the day

GMA 7 and Regal Films' My Best Friend's Girlfriend had its premiere night yesterday at SM Megamall. In the Always Ecstatic crowd post-mortem, aired earlier today at Unang Hirit, a guy was asked for his "raves." And rave he did:
Moron: Ang ganda ng May Bespren's Gurlpren! Lalong-lalo na si Marian! Ang ganda-ganda ni Marian! Kahit sa dreams ko, binabangungot niya ako!!!
MBGF opens in Manila theaters on February 13.
QWERTY-ed by Paoper at 12:38 | 0 said something  
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