The Paostian Deal

Tycocoon: I have a great idea for a business.

Jeep butterfly: Okay let’s make some money...

Tycocoon: Masculine wash!

Jeep butterfly: Wha?

Tycocoon: You know how everyone’s a fan of feminine wash. I’m thinking, why not make one for men, too?

Jeep butterfly: Your fascination with male gonads intrigues and throws me off at the same time.

Tycocoon: Think about it—it’s proper hygiene for everybody!

Jeep butterfly: Something tells me your face has gotten tired of pH5 and wants to try something more, say, familiar…

Tycocoon: It’s perfect! I even have an advertising tag already: (in the vernacular)


Jeep butterfly: You hangout in Malate way too much, pal, way too much.

Woman hater: I finally know how to separate straight men from gays.

#3: Humor me.

Woman hater: It’s all about who you want to sleep with! For example, if you idolize, say, Sam Milby for his very nice built, but do not want to go down on him, you’re straight. But if you fantasize about him while you shower, then you’re gay. Are you like that?

#3: Depends on what I had for breakfast.

Woman hater: Who do you fantasize about?

#3: Lately Josh (Hartnett) has been asking me out again. Oh and Michael Johns seemed pretty lonely after getting booted from American Idol the other week…

Woman hater: Right! Because Josh is white I think he’s… big…

#3: Thanks for the information!

Woman hater: Someday, I’m gonna put up my own events agency.

#3: Let me guess: Bikini fashion shows, truck shows, bodybuilding fairs, nude photo exhibits and mass tanning sessions.

Woman hater: How did you know?!

#3: Wild, wild guess.

Woman hater: But you missed a very important part of my agency’s program.

#3: "No shirts allowed"?

Woman hater: "No gays allowed"!

#3: …

Woman hater: …

#3: Why are you telling me this?

Woman hater: ‘Coz I’ll be needing your help in attending my own events! Ha-ha-ha! Kidding!

#3: Riiiight.

Woman hater: What is the measure of a man?

#3: Inches. Sometimes, centimeters—but it takes too long to convert…

Woman hater: Now how would you know if you’re gay?

#3: When you start asking about how to spot homosexuals.

Woman hater: ...

I have an officemate and he’s best at freaking everyone out. It took us a year before finally concluding that he was hired to do just that, and it’s absolutely fine.

I have an officemate, his name is Nor. He says I’m his third favorite person in the company—his immediate superiors being the first two. Fair enough.

I have an officemate, his name is Nor, and he dreams of opening his own bar. Or club. Where bouncers double as pole dancers to save on employees’ wages. And yes the bouncers are all males.

One can’t miss Nor in the small office. Just look for signature clothes and some sun-crisped blonde streaks on a towering mass of dark brown skin and you’d be all set.

I have an officemate whose name is Nor. Yet he prefers “Norsky” most of the time. It’s cuter, he says in his deep voice, then he giggles like Ms. Clueless on-valium.

Now don’t be fooled by the antics, as Nor—or Norsky—too has other uses. Hilarity is a given, but you’ll also be impressed by how resourceful and creative he can get. Short by one standee? He’d ask the next stranger to raise that 4x5 banner for you. Missing a copy of that report? He’d sneak out clean sheets from other desks for you to print all 93 pages again.

Got questions? You can run to Nor. At 29, he can be described as one who’s mature enough to shed light on life’s dim-lit portions… like hookers and illegal drug dealers. Or getting ripped off a freelance stint. Or bitter break-ups. Even credit card limits and how to blotter the scumbags-in-hiding responsible for those interest rates piling up every week.

I have an officemate, his name is Nor. We’re not exactly friends, but seeing as how I rank in his hit list, I think I could continue sparing a few parts of my bugged existence listening to him enjoy singing Hit Me Baby One More Time while hauling boxes 30 times my size in and out the door…

For Nor may be missing both his screws, yet in the end, if you look back, we all once fancied putting -sky to our names too.