The Paostian Deal

Let's put our lives on a momentary halt as we sincerely appreciate the ever-wise mouth that uttered this line. Now what could it mean?

1. He's Shredder's cousin's wife's best friend's yoga instructor's neighbor's tax collector's classmate in prep school. And yes he hates ninjas too.
2. It's been almost 20 years and he's still trying to redeem his ass in Philosophy 101.
3. Dr. Phil is playing The Trump and is now looking for his own Asspprentice.

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down... because it's... heavy? And, therefore, um, subsequently... slow?

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Why always whack turtles for their speed? And why on earth would you, from an allegedly smart species, race against a reptile with an apartment on its back?

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down. So put it down and let it use its legs, for beefcakes.

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From Tweety:

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down... especially if you're too busy wondering What the heck is a cold-blooded animal doing under my desk and why is everyone suddenly concerned about turtles when all they do is lay eggs then swim away to lay more eggs somewhere else? At least the hare has the more fun talent.

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A turtle isn't slow. But it can slow you down. Especially if you're already obese beyond repair to begin with, in which case you will be slowing the poor thing instead.

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A turtle isn't slow. And it's cleaner to look at than a hippopotamus yawning with flies flying out of its galactic mouth.

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A turtle can slow you down. So can empty wallets.

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A turtle isn't slow. I'm an idiot.

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A turtle can slow you down. Oh and so can impotency.